Some Days I Don't Like My Kids

Perhaps I am a bad mom. It wouldn't be the first or last time I have had or heard that thought. But yesterday I didn't like my kids. Not even a little. It started out rough and it just got worse and worse. They were being mean to one another, disrespectful to me, and downright contrary. I had tried my fair share of punishing: time out, bedroom, corners, even spanking.

Travis got home to the two boys being in their bedroom screaming bloody murder. He looks at me and asks do you want me to get them. I inform him that no I do not want him to get them; they are in time out. The rule typically is how ever old you are is the amount of minutes in your room you have to sit quietly and think about what you did wrong.

Well Wyatt decided it was a good time to jump on his bed. Another no no in our house. I go up to move him to the corner, whereupon he does the limp boy puddle of water stunt. He refuses to stand in the corner. I spank him. So now he is standing but screaming. I calmly tell him that once he stands there quietly for five minutes he may come out. I leave the room which starts the screaming madness Travis comes home too. Wyatt hears Travis and is now elevated his screaming yelling, "Daddy, I need you - help me - save me" and the likes thereof.

This yelling lasted over thirty minutes. All the while I am just trying to ignore it. Issac comes down shortly thereafter, but returns just as quickly on another infraction. Bella starts telling me how I should be doing things. I let her know I can do all the mommying myself and that she should just keep her mouth shut. She decides to go up to her room herself because I have hurt her feelings.

It is now Travis, Me, and Kody at the dinner table. I am frustrated as you well imagine. Travis looks at me and says..."they are just being kids." I explain to him that it is easier said when he deals with it for a half an hour versus nine hours already today. I of course lose it and decide to leave. I come back quickly realizing that I have just behaved as poorly as my kids having a hissy fit of my own sorts.

After much rigamaroo we all eat. I just want to have minimal contact until bedtime as I am done, feedup, and finished. They continue to misbehave although not nearly as bad as before. I think they sense I am trying to restrain my anger. I happily put them to bed. Thinking I do not like these kids. I do not like my kids. What has happened here today.

After a lot of time passing and my unwinding to some degree and their sleeping peacefully for a couple hours, I slip into their room at midnight or a little after. I lay in bed with each of them smelling their little smells of dirt and soap and sweat mixed, an anomaly only kids have. I listen to their slow soothing breaths. I feel myself calm down completely and realize that I am in love with each of my kids immensely. Maybe I didn't like them that day, but tomorrow they will wake up and it will be a new day. And hopefully all of it will be better. And on the off chance that it isn't, I summoned all heavenly powers that be, Heavenly Father, and told him that I was a terrible, weak, and impatient mother and that I needed his help to like and love my kids. As for today...so far it hasn't been too bad. I'll take it.