One Name

It is interesting to me how much this topic has come up this week in my life. It came up with some friends last Thursday, another group of bookclub friends on Tuesday, once again with Nicole's insightful blog yesterday morning, and last night with my another group of friends. And except for that first one last Thursday not once have I brought it up. It tells me that there is a movement taking place still that continues to manifest itself daily for people if not everywhere than at least in our nation.

No one act is going to define feminism for me and I find that a specific action done in the spirit of feminism typically is selfish and offensive to others around. Yet last night a story was related to me of a fairly recent wife who decided with the help of her future sister-in-law that she would not be taking on the last name of her new husband. I don't know what her reasons were and therefore this experience is not about her, but about women who struggle to find equality in life. When I got married I too debated the merits of the traditional last name change. I considered changing, hyphenating, and remaining the same. Each had its advantages and disadvantages truth be told. But for me the decision was made in that it would be a slap in the face to my husband -the person I love most, a rejection of his family heritage in favor of my own, the act of remaining clearly defined and seperate despite commiting to join together and let no man put asunder. It would be a confusion to my kids who may not understand why Mommy doesn't share the last name of everyone else in the family. And although there was a part of me sad, thinking I would be leaving my past behind, I have found that I am still as Graver as I have ever been. The blood within me has not changed nor have the characteristics and attributes that I have both genetically received and intrinsically learned. My husband offering his name to me was not in the attitude of subjugation or submission so why not make it easier on everyone, myself included, and accept his gift.

Feminism for me is about equality in life not sameness in living. Clearly there should be concern about human equality no matter what differentiates us whether race, religion, or gender. And despite its simplicity "The Golden Rule" seems to solve this problem inherently. Treat others as you want to be treated. No one wants their desires, dreams, and goals ranked lower on a symbolic totem pole than others. And it seems reasonable to claim that the time where women were objects to be traded, bartered, or used - just a step above slaves in my estimation - we as a culture were saying that one person was not as important as another. We were systematically ranking human life. And that to me seems unkind and hurtful. Being a feminist is not about wanting everything a man has or has the oppurtunity to have, but about wanting what is right and best for you as decided by you. And if you need more insight than "The Golden Rule" to lead you on your journey of enlightenment read the book "Leadership and Self Deception". Although not essentially about femisnism it hits upon this concept of ranking human life.

I want to be a women with all of my inherent strengths and I don't want to confuse that. I want to feel important, needed, and valued not because I am a women, white, or Mormon but because I am human and a child of God. On a final selfish note: I don't need other "feminist" women making my life harder by swinging so far in the "feminist movement" that they seem to think they are superior to men. And I don't need the likes of some men huffing and puffing when they hear the word feminism as if it is a personal affront on their manhood.