Friday, January 11, 2013

It Might Be...

For many years I've been dealing with social situations thinking, I think something is off about me.  Especially girl social situations.  I listen as all the girls talk and agree about things and think to myself these people are nutso.  They are like a whole foreign species to me.  Although most any social situation will leave me baffled about something.

I have joked with Travis that I am more boy than girl.  We'll both laugh realizing it is true in a lot of ways.  I am not very emotional, I don't need or even like going to the bathroom in groups, I would rather die than have to fake socialize through any situation, I'm not a dainty eater, and I would rather have two good friends than a hundred mediocre friends. 

For many years I chalked it up to living with five brothers and being on the younger side.  They were very male, machismo is the word that describes them perfectly.  I just assumed that I hadn't learned the girl code naturally in my younger years as others had.  But as I tried to learn these behaviors through college and on, I found I didn't really want to learn them and I found it was even bigger than just the girl situation.

Then while watching tv I watched an interview with a man who was adult, married and struggling within his marriage.  It eventually told of his diagnoses with being on the autism spectrum but not finding out until adulthood.  As I listened to him I could relate to many of his stories.  But I didn't honestly think it was me.  I mean I am functioning in society and my daily life just fine and my marriage is rock solid.

But then they told of a test, AQ.  It was an autism quotient test geared towards adults.  The average score was 16.4.  Most people 80+ % who scored over 32 were eventually diagnosed as autistic in some way through more extensive testing.  My curiosity got the better of me and I went to take the test.  My score was a 31, hot mama.  I really didn't think I was on the scale, but that score came back a lot higher than I had anticipated.

I'm still pretty sure I'm just a girl who was raised with a lot of testosterone, by parents who were and taught brutal honesty.  Between those two things I guess I may never fit in with the masses, but even if it never amounts to anything - I'm starting to it me who is nutso after all.


candice said...

this is why we love each other!!! There is a place in this world for boyish girls! Thank goodness we have each other! You make me laugh often with your posts here and thanks to Scott's facebook account... there as well! Can't wait to have you back this summer! Shauna has decided to move in with Missy Russell so there's plenty of room downstairs for you! Not that we were lacking before... anyway- Looking forward to summer! Love you!

Bizz said...

I scored a 16!