Although, Hilary Clinton, is often noted for this saying because she wrote a book with a similar title, it's actually an African proverb. And perhaps in some of the most traditional families it is inaccurate or superfluous, but in a broken home and as the child in question, I just feel grateful for all the people who abide by this concept.
Today my husband, out of the clear blue, walked up to me gave me a hug and said that's from Mike. I didn't even need ask, Mike who? And although I know more than a dozen Mike's only one is like a father to me.
When I was quite young, my very happy childhood rapidly deteriorated to a house full of hostility, accusations, and violence. Shortly thereafter my parents ended the madness by divorcing. As is often the case with divorce, I think we kids perhaps suffered the most. And although I don't remember feeling horribly terrible at that stage in my life, I can only attribute that to the fact that about a half a dozen people stepped in and stepped up to the task of taking care of and loving the remaining children in the home.
And so with all of these people surrounding me I still maintain predominantly happy memories of a childhood that could be described as so many other things upon a verbal recounting of incidents only. Now that I am older I just feel an ever increasing immensity of gratitude for those people. Whether they saw the need and filled it intentionally or just some serendipitous events conspired I'll never know for sure. But when I find that my husband has chatted with my "dad" today without my knowing, I feel just happiness that he is equally comfortable talking to him. And when for my birthday I get a card, that says to the other woman in my life - I feel okay with the way things turned out after all, because instead of having one father and one mother who loved me and remember me everyday and every year on my birthday, I have a whole slew of people super emotionally invested in me and it makes me want to be a much better person for each one of them and the part of their legacy that they gifted to me.
Love Bugs
3 months ago
4 comments:
Beautiful Mary you have such an eloquent clear way of writing. I love reading your posts. I'm so glad you have such a strong and loving support system in your life. I think that makes all the difference.
I know where you are coming from. And it's nice to know that people cared about you, It could have easily gone the other way, for anyone.
My mom always said that although she was a single parent, she never raised us alone. My dad was a great provider which helped make it easier that way but the physical and emotional aspect of having a dad there to go on ward campouts or other things were done by so many wonderful people.
We had their support and feel the same gratitude toward them all these years later. I mentioned that in my mom's eulogy so they knew.
I think people are basically good and want to help in some way.
I'm glad you know that you are loved.
I wish I could say the same. For me, I've felt very isolated as I raise my children on my own. I have tried to reach out to people for help with the girls. It hasn't happened. Yes, I have people to talk to, however, I can't say I've had any "hands on" interaction with the girls. Emile in particular feels she's judged and misunderstood, especially when it comes to people at church. Now she doesn't go at all. Brie is still hanging on.
Em and Brie's dad has nothing to do with them. Emile told him off about a year ago. Very sad. I think a lot of her current decisions are totally related to not having a positive male role model in her life on a daily basis. I asked a few couples to "mentor" the girls... to no avail. I was told they would... but it never happened. I've just accepted it as people having their own lives and responsibilities. I do the best I can. I hope it's enough in the end.
I realize I cannot rely on others to raise my girls, but I do feel very much alone.
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