Seeing the Real Deal

Although these are beautiful,

and these are super delicious

  this is exactly what I needed.

Because although all of them were gifts after the passing of my brother,

and greatly appreciated, now that I am seeing that last one, for real, in nature

- I feel the funk going away. 

Because what is spring if it isn't new growth.

And I finally feel free of the cold damp soil that had settled in on me in my emotionally fraught life.

Goodbye winter, usually I love you, but not so much this year.

Unwavering Faith

Today my brother passed away.  When people ask how I am doing I say fine.  And really I do feel okay.  Sure I am sad.  I will miss him.  I have pictures of him throughout my digital albums, but mainly of us goofing off as a family.  This one, which I stole from his facebook account, is probably more flattering than mine.  But I can't help but feel okay because those pictures I have, he's always laughing and smiling and playing rough and tumble-like with one of his nieces or nephews.  And I guess these last months or so I missed him, that side of him.  My sadness has been increasing by degrees so that at this moment it isn't so overwhelming or crashing down around me.

And now that he is gone there is a small kind of relief.  I feel glad knowing that he's with the Savior and probably laughing and smiling once more.  I feel comforted knowing that he's probably still watching our family and will continue to.  Mostly I just feel an immense amount of gratitude for a knowledge that I have that life continues and goes on beyond this life and world.  That an eternity awaits us in heaven and that a great reuniting will take place another day.  With such unwavering faith in this principle alone, my grief feels manageable.  Love you, David!