What Matters Most

Today I woke up tired, which is never a good start.  Then before it was even 8 am I was in a funk.  It doesn't happen often, but it's hard to not notice when it happens to me.  Before my husband left for work we talked about it and I just shared how frustrated and powerless I felt.  You see just after 7am, I got a text from a CPS employee cancelling the weekly visit between our foster child and his parents.  These weekly two hour visits are a staple of fostering and often very annoying to me, but I understand why they do them and most of the time resolutely comply. In this case though, of the five visits with his parents so far, two of them they have been significantly late to, two they left early from, and today they decided to cancel - an option they have, that I do not - only one visit has gone as it is supposed to.  Most bio parents are overwhelmed with happiness to see their child at visits and sometimes moved to tears from happiness, loss, or some other deep emotion, and occasionally angry and aggressive at the agency, the situation, and even occasionally me.  But, in this child's case, the parents are totally indifferent, which is perhaps the most heartbreaking for me to watch.

And I am feeling better as I have caught up on some work, snuggled my baby, and tried to teach him how to give kisses - a happy endeavor for sure as he practically rips my face off trying to pull it as close to his as he can.  And my thoughts are turned to the movie Instant Family - a heartwarming, hilarious, and mostly accurate portrayal of fostering and fostering to adopt.  So if you have questions about what fostering is like, it does a pretty great job of showing it.  But even more than my desire to have you watch the movie, I need help getting the word out.

At a recent meeting with my Caseworker, a woman who I trust implicitly to take care of our family and take care of these children she has to find placements for, I learned some information that has me feeling sick to my stomach.  Basically in Section 8 of Texas, there are more than 7500 confirmed cases of abuse annually with some so bad that about 200 kids come into care in a month. So the need for foster families is enormous!!!  Of those kids only about 70 of them end up returning to home.  So the need for adoptive families, especially foster to adopt families is almost overwhelming.  In this area and most every other area, we are just not keeping up with the demand.  And that....that puts me in a funk, because I truly believe when we as a society can no longer protect and care for our children, we have failed in some fundamental way. 

The strain on the system and cost and criticism became so intense that the government sold their contract to a private contractor to take over the foster industry in San Antonio.  But alas so far, the incoming results are no more hopeful and I have heard horrific stories of kids being lost, there are just so many, and kids returning to the door step of the agency to be turned away because they didn't have a placement for them yet and due to their contract they are required to place or they are penalized.  So instead they are just rejecting the kids outright. 

As the foster children age, the demand for them decreases, but there are still so many who are under 5 years old, who are ready to be adopted, but are not finding placements and so are staying unnecessarily long in foster families until they can find adoptive families. Our area has about 200 plus children aging out of the system annually, about 17 a month.  The statistics regarding kids who age out are so horrifying I'll let you look at them on your own, but 20% become instantly homeless, 70% of the girls by 21 are pregnant, less than 3% ever earn a college degree, and more than 50% become substance abusers repeating a cycle of viciousness that is near impossible to end.  It's a freaking pandemic and it's one that we rarely talk about.  It's one I am becoming increasingly passionate about. 

So my plea to you today is simple, if you have every known anyone who was interested in adopting, please tell them to check in with their local Child Protective Service Agency.  If you are in the San Antonio area, I will fast track you to who you need to see, because I have a little boy who is just around the bend from needing YOU!  And to every parent who tells me you couldn't foster or even more often you couldn't give the kids back, I swear you can.  I'm not a saint or angel and I'm definitely not somehow lacking in heart(that makes this near impossible task possible for me), because it is hard to get these kids, harder and heartbreaking to give them back, and hard in between, but I promise you - you can do it!  Life is full of hard things, and some of the hardest ones become the most rewarding to look back on, so like I tell my kids - your feelings are irrelevant, if you know what you are supposed to do, stop thinking about how you feel about it and just do it.  In some way or capacity you can help, whether you do Respite (foster babysitting), long term or short term care, permanent care, or whether you connect people to the right resources or spread information, you are needed.  Just start doing it! PLEASE!

Vacation Week 5+

This week was filled with leaving Utah and heading towards Texas, land of the bigger and better.   On the way we stopped at Four Corners (totally useless, but very novel and so the kids had to do it.)  Activities included sitting, standing, and laying in all four states, straddling two states, and seeing how fast you can run through four states using the outer loop.  Additionally we stopped at Carlsbad Cavern and Arches National Park and all I can say is A-MAZ-ING.  Seriously go, no pictures I took, or looked at online, begin to do these places justice.  It's another testament of an amazing Creator and God.  And the lyrics "then sings my soul, my Savior - God to thee, how great thou art - how great thou art" come to mind and replay in a loop.  Really both are extraordinary for totally different reasons.

 (Delicate Arch)

Tourist stuff aside, I headed to Texas with mixed feelings.  We had two stops planned, one in San Antonio to visit the in-laws and one in Dallas/Fort Worth to visit a college roomie/bridesmaid.  But through some misunderstandings or poor planning or I still have no idea really...Travis's family wasn't going to be there for 3/4 days we were supposed to be there.  I ended up extending a day so we would have a two day overlap, but felt a time constraint as school beginning loomed in the near future.  I was a bit frustrated and worried about staying at the house without them being there, but it ended up being awesome.  After arriving late and garnering a speeding ticket - I was going four over the limit - who knew that could happen, I stopped to get some groceries to restock the house.  And we chilled out well that's relative.  We stilll went to the Alamo, Riverwalk, and Witte Museum as well as going back to school shopping, went to church, visited with extended family.  And this was great because normally I am so dedicated to wringing every moment of Gpa and Nana time that I don't even get off their property to visit the others despite being next door neighbors.  So second cousins got to play one whole evening uninterrupted, I caught up on the family gossip with cousins, and my second set of In-Laws (Travis's Uncle and Aunt - who are like second parents to him) and I talked and caught up on the passage of time.  And sure enough once Nana and Gpa arrived we hit it hard with them too.  We had a birthday celebration celebrating every birthday since we can never share them with all of our nationwide spread family.  We went to the river to swim, we went out to my favorite Mexican, Gpa took the kids fishing, and Gpa and I every night sat and commentated on the Olympics as if we were announcers in our own right.  It was crazy fun and I'm so glad we ended up going to San Antonio instead of heading straight to DFW. 

 (The Ranch)

Once we hit the road to DFW I was giddy.  Emma and I have one of the longest standing friendships.  I met her my first day of college.  She could tell you a million stories about me mostly embarrassing and I could do the same about her.  We are ridiculous and wildly entertaining.  Upon arriving my kids devastated her house with energy after being in the car.  We sent them out back to the pool and we caught up.  Eventually we got the kids geared for bed and left her hubbs in charge while we headed to Cheesecake Factory for a late dinner and a cheesecake fix.  There I created more memories with her and she has already regaled several with an embarrassing story from that night - suffice to say I am a cheesecake fundamentalist.  But this is what makes her great.  She is the world's most considerate and adventurous hostess.  Her energy is similar to mine and so I can count on her to join me in all my crazy schemes or at least talk her into some of the better ones and she can usually think of one or two of her own.  Her birthday was only two days after I was supposed to leave.  And she was heading to a concert the night before and she tried to talk me into staying and joining the celebration and oh, if I were by my lonesome, it would have been a done deal, but 4 weary travelers later I opted out.  Still missing that fun that I didn't get to have.  While at her house we had another swim day with another college roomie, Ahna and her kids.  We went out boating, tubing, and they taught me to wake board.  Her and her hubby are the most patient teachers ever.  And we got a sitter to go out one more night, the three of us.  Their love of food is pretty close to mine too.  It was the most fun and she is an expert at packing in the fun no matter how short the time.  I love this girl and know that in twenty years we will still be visiting one another annually and creating mischief where ever we go. 

I left Saturday morning.  We originally were going to leisurely drive home visiting Arkansas, Tennessee, and anywhere else we wanted.  But due to travel fatigue we visited one last roommate in Arkansas, really I gypped you - Jen, and then tour a trail straight home driving until 2am the one night to turn around and wake up again at 8 and finish that trip.

It was the best vacation ever and the most fun and best summed up by Bella. "It was the greatest experience of my life, but we don't ever need to go on vacation that long again, Mom." And I agree with her, at least with kids in tow. I hope you have enjoyed living vicariously through me. Look for my final post about the 50 state tour with our final stop to Hawaii next summer. Aloha

 (Ahna, Me, Emma)

 (Emma the Pro)

 (She buys me donuts too!!!)