It's Raining Crazy

Overheard nonsense at my house:

(Out of the middle of nowhere)
Issac: My teacher tells lies.

(A distance peeing competition amongst the boys while at the cabin)
Travis: Yeah Wyatt, you are only tied with Kody for distance.
Wyatt: Oh, yeah! Now watch this.
(Somehow increasing pee pressure to cover an extra foot of distance.)

(When Kody learned he wouldn't be going to school this year with all the other kids)
Kody: Well who is my teacher going to be?
Me: I'm going to be your teacher.
Kody: You're not a teacher. You're just a mom!

(At Bella's dance recital, the new hip hop teacher is dancing and has fantastic hair)
Me: I love the way her hair moves when she is dancing.
Travis: Yeah, she probably uses Pantene or something.

(Last night before bed - Bella time)
Bella: Mom and Dad put her foreheads together touching.
(We do it, she puts her hands over our heads and moves them spastically)
Bella: Now kiss, come on kiss.
Me: Bella, what are you doing.
Bella: I'm being mistletoe, you have to kiss.
Me: Why are your hands moving like that.
Bella: Because mistletoe is jaggy.
Me: No it not.
Bella: Well all the kids at school think it is.
Me: Well they are wrong.
Bella: Then why do you say ouch as you pick it from the flowerbeds.
(Aha moment)
Me: Thistle. That is thistle you are thinking of. Rhymes with mistle, but different. Thistle/Mistletoe.

(Our family on the tramp. Kody has his head burrowed into Travis's lap. Don't ask! It's his thing right now. Anyway Travis has to fart so pushes Kody away. Kody ignores him to reburrow.)
Kody(with furrowed brow): Eww you sort of smell like chocolate.
Travis(skeptical look)
Kody: Or poop, yeah you smell like poop.

(Summarizing his behavior in school yesterday)
Me: How was school today? Did you stay on the green light(good behavior)?
Issac: No, I got moved to the yellow light.
Me: Why what did you do?
Issac: Nothing. I don't know. She just walked up to the board and moved me from green to yellow and didn't tell me why.
(Discussion continues, teacher emails ensue to discover problem, I find out he is lying.)
Me: Issac why did you lie about getting moved to yellow?
Issac: I thought it would be a good surprise when you found out, I actually stayed on green.