I Know...But...

Most of the time I think I know myself pretty well. It isn't real often that I am taken off gaurd by what others have to say about me. I know that I can be really particular at times about how things should be. And this is just another way of saying I am really anal or a control freak and I've heard all of these terms none of which bothered me. I actually feel pretty self satisfied at hearing these things. But something happened the other day that totally took me by surprise. Most days Bella packs a lunch for school which is to say I pack a lunch for her. And I typically do it the night before because I hate mornings and the thought of doing even just one extra task that need not be done is motivation enough for me to have everything planned ahead of time. Well this particular night Bella is already asleep in bed and I think oh I'll throw a note in her lunch telling her how special she is...it'll make her day. So I grabbed her favorite note pad to write her a special note. By the next afternoon I had totally forgotten about this small gesture. But when Bella came home from school all smiles I was curious so I asked "what are you all happy about?" "You" came the reply. "Really what'd I do?" "I loved the note you put in my lunch box." I start to smile feeling quite good that such a small thing has produced such a intense reaction. But before my joy spreads too far she gets a very serious look on her face and says "But Mom you did not ask to use my notepad." What do I say to this? It's true I hadn't. But really...

So when Travis gets home from work Bella tells him how I put a note in her lunch. And I continue to tell him the second part about how she seriously chastised me for not asking permission to use her notepad. He bursts into laughter. I say what is so funny? And he says like mother like daughter. Ouch that one stung a little. Not that it was his intention. I guess I just never realized that in all my control freak, rule abiding, order having ways that I was potentially ruining other people's small moments of joy or that I was killing their kind deeds with my exactness for details. I guess I just learned a new thing about myself. Learning lasts a lifetime I suppose.