Mother's Day

I had a wonderful and spoiling day made perfect by four beautiful children and an amazing husband. I actually enjoyed myself despite the fact that I find this to be one of the most awkward holidays ever.

Yard Salers

After a grueling 14 hour day doing school activities for PTO and Bella's elementary school on Friday it just so happened that the following morning I would get to do our annual neighborhood yard sale. Every year we do it, we advertise, and always get a big turnout. Last year Travis and I were going out of town and prior to that I had never had a yard sale. I was a virgin at this, but very excited and hopeful to make a little cash off our old stuff. Mainly I had baby things, but we also had a window unit air conditioner, a small tv, snowglobes, some adult clothing, books, etc...

It was to start at 7 am and go till whenever. This seemed ridiculously early to me but in the spirit of new adventures I spent the night before after my long day preparing till almost one in the morning. Then I beat my alarm clock awake, unheard of for me, and was once again moving before six am finishing up. When what should happen but cars storming our usually quiet neighborhood a little after six. By six thirty I had opened my garage door not wanting to miss out on the action, but still not totally ready. Cars came, buggies came, people came on foot.

These people are insane. It is a whole culture I do not understand. They are all up at five chipper as can be. Some had visited yard sales prior to ours. They truly were those people who believed in the saying "the early bird gets the worm" and not wanting to miss a single quality bargain item they came early. It doesn't come without it's setbacks I suppose since most of these people were a bit socially awkward and weird. But alas I made a small chunk of change. Yeah, fun money.

Ouch

My feet and back ache. I guess that is what standing for 14 straight hours will do. And I have no pictures to show for it.

Hair Facts

1 ponytail too thick to cut

2 ponytails made

12 inches cut off

4 wigs made

That's what one of my haircuts can do for "Locks of Love"

Kody Kan

Kody can do a lot of things now that he is getting so big.

Kody can eat his own cereal.

Apparently he can have his very first bloody nose.

Or that is what it looked like.

Until a little later in the day...a sneeze happened.

And then it turns out Kody can stuff a red Trix up his nose making it snot like crazy and look like the snot is blood.

Kody can laugh when that cereal comes out and he sees that I am annoyed.

Kody can learn to do what he sees his daddy do.

Kody can mimic what his daddy does.

Kody can still be in the room when I am naked.

And Kody can surprise me with a solid slap on the butt.

Kody can laugh maniacally as he realizes that Mom is not so fond of him slapping her butt.

Kody is full of all kinds of cans.

Passing On The Worst

Being a mom has been more spectacular than I ever could have imagined. I didn't know I had so much love to give. I didn't know I could feel so proud. And I definitely didn't know someone else would have so much control over my emotions. I've always hated the saying "If Mom isn't happy, then no one is happy." As if a mother's bad mood makes everyone else miserable. But it wasn't till I became a mother that I discovered that for at least our family my mood often reflects the mood of everyone else. If my kids are sad I am sad, if my husband is stressed I feel stressed. If the kids are actting out I feel like there is a problem that they are actting out and of course I go into "fix it" mode.

But I am learning that sometimes you can't always fix things right away. And sometimes the things you hate most about yourself are the things you have passed onto your kids. And the pain is incredible. So soul splitting incredibly hard.
Last week I had gotten all the kids in bed. Travis was waiting downstairs to start our DVR'd tv time. I was taking out my contacts, getting into comfy pj's, and getting ready for bed when I hear the not so quiet sobbing of one of my kids. The shear intensity of it let me know right away it was Bella.

I went to her room a little annoyed thinking this was something about going to bed. I knew she needed her sleep because the next day she had a field trip and it would be a long day filled with tons of walking. When I inquired about her tears I realized the depth of anxiety she was suffereing in the silent dark of her room. Because she was imagining everything new and unfamiliar about her fieldtrip tomorrow she was stressed and worried and filled with fear. Her biggest fear was of the potential for an escalator to be somewhere at the factory they toured. She is afraid of escalators and still needs to hold Travis or my hand to go on them.

My gut was filled with anger and sadness. Anger that I had passed on this genetic disposition. This disposition which had also been passed down to me from my parents. I hated that I had given her a life of anxiety and a fear of the unknown and a desire to control everything. I have been working my whole life to manage it, then get over it, and now I see my daughter having to suffer this same battle.

As I talked to her I tried to pass on the wisdom I had learned about managing this paralyzing anxiety. Talking about what freaks you out tends to help. And usually there is a solution to fix all these imagined hazards. So I talked to her about what her field trip might entail the things they would see, the potential there was for there to be an escalator in Herr's Snack Factory -very low probability -, but what she could do if there was one. In the end I ended up making a call to the parent who would be supervising her group to give her a heads up. And that was enough to calm Bella down.

As I walked down the stairs knowing I had soothed Bella and she now laid on the verge of dreamworld I was crumbled with devastation. Everyday I see all the good things my kids have gotten from Travis and me. I see that they have Travis's amazingly long eye lashes. They have my desire to laugh about almost anything. They share both Travis and my strong faith in a loving God. But I guess it was inevitable that they may inherit the not so good qualities about us too.

And it just seemed so unfair. As a mother I try and protect these kids from everything bad and horrible about this life. I try to shield them from the things I think may not be good for them. But this I introduced into their life. This is because of me. I hadn't protected her at all from this. And the pain just sucks.

New Do

It was time for a haircut. I'd written previously on my blog that I was going to get one, but then I chickened out.My hair overwhelmed my face and although beautiful when I took the time to do it those times were becoming fewer and far between.
I chickened out though not because it doesn't grow fast but because going to someone new to do your hair is always scary. But I was armed with a picture and a pretty good idea of what I wanted when I finally went.
Needless to say it is short, but not exactly what I wanted. This is how I came home looking. But after a minute or two of me styling it I got the below look. In the end it will do until I get my hands on it to style it for real.

And hopefully in two months or so I can try again. And the next person will get it a little closer to what I am looking for. Stay tuned for the haircut chronicles.