Opening Up the Windows to Heaven

I tend to live my life pursuing anything that interests me wholeheartedly. The downside of this is that I almost always have more interests than I do time. As a result, I have to inwardly reflect on what my strongest values are and make choices that reflect those.

Right now I am at a crossroads as I consider new job offers, getting my doctorate degree, focusing on my family and kids these last 3 years before Travis and I are empty nesters, future dream jobs, and retirement plans. Yes I am a planner and so choices are being made now for that. Once again, I am grateful but torn over so many awesome options.

So like I have historically with any major decision in life (including who to marry, where to live - all seven moves, what homes to buy, when and how many children to have, what jobs to take, when to start and stop phases of life) I find myself using tonight and tomorrow to fast and pray about it. This is something members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints have the opportunity to do each month.

And even though I can't have it all, or at least all right now in this moment, I feel peace because I know I will get direction as I lift my heart and mind to commune with my Heavenly Father. "Fasting, coupled with mighty prayer, is powerful. It can fill our minds with the revelations of the Spirit." He will guide and direct me and continue to make my life better than anything I have ever been able to plan or imagine for myself.

And if there is any one thing I have wanted to teach and pass down to my kids, it is that absolute confidence in recognizing the voice of the Lord and knowing he loves and cares about them and that he will talk to, guide, and direct them as he has me throughout my life. I know that they will feel the peace and assurance and confidence in all areas of their life that I have been able to have. So regardless of your faith, I challenge each of you - try it out, at least once, see what you think and consider how you feel.

For more about fasting, see here!

The Pearl Girls: An Invitation to Join

Many people have noticed, commented, and asked about them. And depending who I am traveling with, you might think I am part of a clique, club, or group of some sort because within my associates and friend group there are a small bunch of us who wear them. So as a non jewelry wearing person, many wonder how I have gotten into this habit of wearing a pearl necklace.

Twenty one years ago, as I dated Travis, I saw his mom wearing a pearl necklace.  It was beautiful and I commented on it.  Even then I was not a jewelry wearer, but I think there is something simplistically beautiful and classic about pearls.  She told me the history of her necklace which had been bought for her from a family member while he was traveling in Japan, I believe.  When Travis and I got engaged, his mom had asked if I wanted to use any of her jewelry for the wedding, it could be my "something borrowed".  Immediately I thought of the necklace.  Travis let her know I would feel super delighted and honored to borrow the pearl necklace and so she brought it along with pearl earrings to Washington DC with her for the wedding day.  I wore them and felt like a princess, sure that this would probably be one of the few times - I'm not a girly girl you see.

Then on our first Mother's Day together, Travis surprised me with pearl earrings.  He knew I wasn't a big jewelry wearer, but he also remembered my delight on our wedding day.  Although we couldn't afford a necklace yet, he had happily splurged on the earrings.  Then just a couple years later and right after Isabella was born, on Mother's Day, he got me a pearl necklace.  As the jeweler lovingly wrapped them, he gave me care instructions.  There is a special cloth to wipe them down with and a list of do's and don'ts stressing the fragility of them.  With this investment and these instructions, I reserved those pieces for special occasions and didn't wear them with any kind of regularity.

Fast forward to June of 2019, it was the first day of camp, we were a fairly new Presidency volunteering our time and energy to serve the young women age 12-18 in the San Antonio area.  That evening, Amanda, unknown to me prior to our calling, gave each of us a gift.  We all unwrapped simultaneously to open our boxes of pearls.  She explained that they represented a right of passage and that we were in this together for better or worse.  We were floored at her generosity.  But felt the impact of her words.  In the four months we had been serving together, we felt like we had known each other for years.  Already we had experienced adversity and were bonded through weathering it together.  I felt nervous, but she assured me she wore them everyday, they were very durable and improved with wear.  We all wore them every day that week and continued to for the duration of our service together.

As I wore them though something magical happened, people did notice them, and more often than not they told me a story regarding the pearls, either their own, their symbolism, or why they thought I wore them everyday.  Including the symbolism of making something beautiful through adversity, as the oyster turns sand, an irritant, into the pearl or how Heavenly Father seeks to bless us when we are faithful like the story below illustrates.

But for me, what I learned is that pearls represent wisdom, most often wisdom gained through experience.  They are known for strengthening relationships and relay a sense of safety as well as symbolize purity and integrity.  And due to the experiences of my life that had brought me to Texas, into this calling, and through a series of well timed and seemingly small, but powerfully tender mercies, my life started a bit of a transformation, maybe not noticeable to anyone else, but it was to me.

And so now I wear them daily to remember those things.  It reminds me of my strengthened relationship with my Heavenly Father and my strengthened relationships to others as I serve them.  It reminds me why I am here in this life, learning wisdom through experience.  It calms me when I am worried, and it reminds me that all of these wonderful blessings come as a result of my constant companionship to the Holy Ghost because of my choice to live a life of purity and integrity.  

So as you see me wearing them, twirling them, nervously rubbing them, know that I want to invite each one of you, not to get a set of pearls - although I totally support that too, but find something that daily reminds you of your relationship to your Heavenly Father and your purpose here on Earth, to gain wisdom through experience in partnership with God.

Why Do Weekends Feel Like A Marathon?

Don't get me wrong, I love my life!  I love the activities I fill my life with.  I love my kids and most of their activities too. But somewhere along the way, the schedules of our family made my weekends a little nutso.  This past weekend was a prime example.

Friday the kids had off school.

• We played at a nursing home with several families
• I went on a date with Issac to see the new Sonic movie 
• We went to the County office to finish the boys passport applications
• Then we took Issac to a party with his friends, Wyatt picked him up later
• Then we went out to visit Travis's sister at the ranch

Saturday

• We went on a discovery flight that Travis got as a gift for Christmas 
• Wyatt took Kody to a party, Travis picked him up
• I had some church meetings
• And then we had a stake dance, the boys came and I chaperoned

Sunday

• I attended Kerrville ward for Ward Conference
• We all attended our church
• Had meetings
• Didn't have meeting for Issac that was cancelled last minute - Hallelujah
• Stake Choir practice
• Finally celebrated Vday with my hubby

Now this might not seem too bad, 4-5 events a day should be manageable.  But no when they are each 2ish hours, when there is carpooling or driving on either end, when you consider that normal life and chores need living and doing, it quite frankly crazy time.  

So more than ever I am glad that Wyatt has his license now.  Boom, already paying off in dividends.

Happy New Year!!!

It's been a while I know.  Despite the weekly alarm that goes off in my phone alerting me to post on my blog, it hasn't happened for some time and only 3 times this year.  It's not that I don't think about it and practically write word for word the posts in my head, editing them as I think them out, but that I never seem to have the time to actually write them down.  It feels far too indulgent, but I write them in my head nonetheless hoping that the time I am actively thinking of them will solidify the memories, the feelings, the thoughts that I am having.  So that one day as I look at a picture or someone brings up a story, I am flooded with it all again.

Realistically I know that reality is a bit far fetched for an aging mind, let's be honest it's a bit far fetched for my current somewhat aging mind.  If I can barely remember a load of laundry I put in the wash only to find it two days later smelling of mold and funk, I can't expect much.  So that brings me to one of my goals for this year.  But I am rushing ahead of myself, like always, my energy and enthusiasm is always just a bit ahead of all the other.

So let's start with a Happy New Year everyone reading!  Hopefully you had a great Christmas and you are excited about what the future holds.  I know I am, but I always love a good start, it holds all the promise and passion for the future.  This past week or two I have contemplated on so much.  Trying to prepare some resolutions for the New Year makes me both reflective and introspective  as well as visionary and ambitious.

As I have pondered the past year, I have felt overwhelmingly grateful.  We have been blessed in a million ways, but the most important one is my ability to know why we are here in Texas; it may have taken almost three years after my first impressions came and two years and change after making the move, but it has come.  I'm sure everyone would love to hear some miraculous story, wrapped in a neat package with clear beginnings and ends, but my story is far less neat in the packaging, but still just as miraculous, though much harder to explain.  Suffice it to say, a bunch of experiences have shown me that this move, these changes, have forced myself and our family to grow in ways that would have never been possible had we remained in the status quo of our old life.  Seeing that growth in yourself and kids is the miracle, but I admit that unless you are privy to the nitty gritty details of daily living, it may be largely impossible for outsiders to see.  In addition to that, I have been blessed with a handful of friends here that have helped shape me and a lot of those changes, and it only stands to reason that those changes in me have led to some changes on the rest of our family.  Those handful of friends have changed my trajectory the way that the introduction of Travis into my life did.  It's really in the lapsing of time, that we'll all grasp how much it really affected the course of my life.

So how do you top a transformational year.  I don't know that you top it, but maybe try to repeat it over and over until you become the best version of yourself, the one that you couldn't even envision the year before because you have grown so much.  So what have I come up with?  There are four areas of growth I am going to focus on.  It is based on the scripture found in Luke 2:52 that states that Jesus increased in wisdom and stature and favor with God and man.  As he is my role model, it only stands to reason, that I can mimic his life by growing intellectually, physically, spiritually, and emotionally.  In case you think me a genius, know that the framework for these thoughts and actions have come from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  I'm spectacularly thankful for their guidance, but even more for my ability to catch the vision.

For me each category was harder than the next, but here is what I have come up with.  Some may happen quickly, others may take more than a year to master, but I am committed to replace those items as I conquer them.  Intellectually I would like to be fluent in Spanish.  This has been weighing on my mind that last quarter of this year.  I have spent 100+ consecutive days studying each morning.  I need to practice with people and I know many of my friends and family are fluent.  Practice with me, I will likely be resistant.  For the first time in many years I feel supremely insecure.  I like being good at things and this is not something I am intuitively good at.  Add to that my worry that my brain is not as flexible and spongelike as it once was, and a crippling fear that I am not actually as smart as I have thought myself to be over these last two decades and fear of failure is on the horizon in a looming way I haven't felt for some time.  This worries me that I have not been pushing myself for many years, but instead of dwelling there, I choose to see the opportunity in this all.

Physically, I have debated intensely two items, but one feels more meaningful long term.  That goal is to eat more vegetables.  I'm not picky, I like vegetables, but I don't eat them or prepare them near as much as I should and instead eat the cursory amount to satisfy my need to feel like an adult.  I really am hoping to make 25% of my diet vegetables.  My hope is that this will set me up for more long term health that will improve the quality and longevity of my life.  Alas there is no health scare, my blood pressure, cholesterol levels, and overall blood work show remarkably healthy values.  My love of running and naturally good physical genetics have made me lucky in that way, but I can't help but wonder what eating in a manner more consistent with the Word of Wisdom will do for my health.

Spiritually, I want to pray more intently and find someone to serve every day.  Those two will likely go hand in hand.  But basically I want to start my day but checking in with my Heavenly Father in the loquacious way I talk to those closest to me.  I want to ask him to direct me to someone each day who I can serve and I want to harness that Spirit of revelation and purpose and power daily in my life.

And last socially, I would like to better document all the things I am doing.  Alas here comes the revitalization of this blog.  Not because I want to monetize it or the world to read it, but I want to continue to print it into books and keep it digitally, so that my children, grandchildren, and endless posterity can visit to learn about their ancestors.  They can see pictures, hear stories, and relate to our lives in a way that keeps us close to them even if we are not physically near.

Each year is flying by faster than the last.  This life is fleeting, temporary, and spectacular.  I just want to make sure that every day I am doing as much living as I possibly can.  Love to you all!

More Spiritual Wisdom

• Emotional noise drowns out the whisperings of the Spirit
• Willing hearts, desire to believe, and trust in the Lord
• Busier doesn't mean better
• The Lord has invited us to become true followers of Christ
• Obey what is right in front of us and we'll continue to get another step
• See through clear lense vs iced over windshield
• Simple faith - not shallow but natural and deeply abiding
• When we come to know Jesus, our discipleship can be no less important
• Be careful about judging the journey and faith of ourselves and others
• Beloved discipleship - look to example in scriptures
• Essence of true discipleship - look to examples in the scriptures
• Essence of true discipleship comes to us as dew from heaven
• Find joy in Jesus, Others, and Yourself
• Be motivated by love becomes better conspirator, motivator, server, etc...
• If we love God, keep his commandments
• Study of doctrine will change behavior faster than the study of behavior
• To the rescue, sacrifice, find the needs/disasters - meet the needs of others
• Opportunities the Lord places in our path, never look at them as a burden, please see your circumstances clearly
• Peace and happiness will be our reward when we serve
• Remembering the Savior will improve our attitude, behavior, and service
• Do we fill the critical need to study the Book of Mormon?

Notes From a Leadership Meeting - Things That Have To Do With Youth (and Our Families)

• Provide anchors for the Youth
• Focus on the For Strength of Youth
• Arm ourselves with truth not fun
• Purposeful and intentional activities
• Be brilliant in the basics
• Bear testimony for our children and our youth
• Women are lionesses at the gate - if it matters to us, it matters to our families
• Model unapologetically the standards of the Lord
• Service builds unity
• Priesthood is the power to save souls
• Faith first will magnify everything else
• One to one spiritual priorities
• Be patient with other's speed toward the destination
• Everyone has influence in the lives of others, where is our influence
• Lack of unity gives Satan power
• Check our spirituality with the Lord vs. Our Way
• Family counsels - adjustments to be made
• Obedience brings the blessings of heaven but exact obedience brings miracles

Philadelphia Temple and Cultural Celebration

The bulk of July's end, all of August and September's

beginning have had one over-riding theme. 

TEMPLE. 

 

Yes, eight years ago, the Philadelphia Temple was announced,

four years ago they broke ground,

and last weekend they finished with a celebration,

dedication and it is now open for use. 

What has that meant for my family. 

 

Well in 7 weeks, we have made 13 trips to Philadelphia,

usually in the worst of traffic times (2-3 hours each way) 

on the Schuylkill Expressway. 

Locals know I deserve a medal. 

Add another few times that my family or I

have been there but carpooling with others. 

 

Those trips were volunteering to help give,

guide and clean after the many tours that went

through during the open house. 

Over 140,000 visitors attended in that time. 

Then there were the many practices

to prepare for the youth cultural celebration. 

 

And amazingly enough I was asked

to be part of the Cornerstone Choir,

which practiced quite a bit too, but mostly 

locally and just in Philadelphia on that last weekend. 

So I waited a week to write this post

because directly after, all I felt was exhaustion,

but now that I've had a week to recover,

I feel absolute

JOY.

 

So what was it all for:

It wasn't for the pageantry called the cultural celebration

although that was fun for my kids.

It wasn't for the glory of participating in the
Cornerstone Choir, although flattering,

or standing near President Eyring.

 

It wasn't for any of these things.

It was for my deep and abiding

LOVE

for the temple, for the gospel and for saving covenants.

It was so my kids could increase

their own love, their own faith and own testimonies of temples.

 

And despite my bone weary tiredness

it did just that.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

Sewing "colonial" clothing

In the middle of the show,
Wyatt sees Bella and runs to share his thoughts.
Best summed up with his thumbs up.

 



The view at night!

 

I came out to find my boys all quietly contemplating it.

 

Middle Child Syndrom

When you have four kids, who is the actual middle child, and do birth order roles really happen?

Well I think if you asked me two middle kids, one would feel like the middle child in terms of neglect and the other would feel fine.  That being said...I have one girl and then three boys.  So the middle of the three boys is sometimes who is most ignored.  Even as I look through my facebook and blog, I see evidence of his lack of documentation.

So he participated, somewhat reluctantly, in our church's children's talent show with friends to Ripstick.  Note:  It turns out he is a little shy and reluctant to perform in general.  He did great and is cute to boot.  Can't wait to see what other fun adventures he stumbles upon.

What Came First? The Chicken or the Egg

I don't know if I Mormon is a great fit for me spiritually because I love to serve because I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints or if I am a member because I love to serve.  Either way it's a good fit, it makes me happy, it brings me joy whether formal or informally, I like to be in the trenches helping when I can.

This past weekend our congregation of church goers when to Wheatland Estate - James Buchanan's home to help, clean, restore and beautify for the tourist season. 



See what the LDS Humanitarian Services are doing around you locally and internationally.  It is amazing.

He Changes Me

More than my husband (probably), more than three other kids combined, more than foster parenting...one little boy with red hair has changed me more than any other person in my life - maybe. 

So yesterday after he traumatized, literally traumatized, his Sunday School teacher at church (basically he gave her the perma-angry, won't be talking to you, little old man scowl after she had to correct him for mocking another little girl) we had a little talk.

Everything about him is different than my other kids.  Some good, some bad.  And where I have found things that have worked in varying degrees with my other kids for discipline, they just don't work with him.

He's super sensitive to correction, take his greatest strength tender empathy for everyone, and the flip side of the coin is any kind of discipline brings out a very defensive, angry, Incredible Hulk self.  And where we have taught him that he can't yell, hit or aggressively act out his anger, he has taken to shutting completely down.  His emotion overwhelms his ability to talk, think or even largely function.

So we wait, wait just a little more, and then start a dialogue of asking questions.  "Can you tell me about your class in Church today?"  And the story comes out, every detail: the good, the bad, the ugly.  He's too guileless to try and hide his mistakes, his contributions to the problem, because with that time, he's already feeling pretty mad at himself and sorry for his behavior.  And as he tells me I gently stroke his cheek, wipe his tears, and rub his back because I know that helps him feel calm and loved despite the necessity I have of reaffirming what behavior is and is not acceptable.

So although it makes me bonkers that it takes 30 minutes plus to work through this issue, I feel just a little more like my Savior who is unendingly patient with me, my own stupidity, mistakes, inappropriate behavior and will take all the time I need to work through it and learn for the future. 

I may not know the end from the beginning, but I know that his red-head was sent to change me more than anything I'll ever be able to teach or help him with. 

Girls' Camp - Holla'

Girls' Camp or more technically called "Young Women's Camp"

is the greatest adventure and most fun, I ever had in my youth

with my friends.

 

For one week each year from age 12-17, I attended.

We learned about the great outdoors,

grew our testimonies in Jesus Christ and

played hard.

 

Now my girls are old enough to be going.

It's a crazy, blow my mind kind of experience.

But I love that they are having this same great opportunity.

 

And I hope that they are learning the same things, even more.

Building the same skills, even better.

Having the same fun - I don't think that's possible. 

 

 

And in spite of the crazy weather,

falling trees and mild teenage girl drama...

I hope they always remember to keep their eye on the temple.

Shine their light and be a beacon to the world,

of goodness, of purity and virtue. 

 

Thanks you to every leader on the ward and stake level,

who dedicate your time and energy.

I hope you know how much you do really matters.

Lots of Love,

Me (and my girls)

Fancy Beverage???

As members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, aka Mormon, we don't drink coffee or tea really or any fancy drink beverages.  But with the extra cold and extra long winter my kids have decided to take their hot chocolate obsession to a whole new level.

Spray whip cream, dairy creamers, and fancy add ins have become the norm.  Whatever helps us get through these cold, dark, winter months.

A Picture and A Story

A picture is worth a thousand words or a story in the life of me. 
In the spirit of continued catch up...

The other day I was at the gym.  I had run there, between 2.5 and 3.5 miles one way depending if I take the direct route or a round about one.  I do weights and then run home.  While there I was seated on a stationary row machine, calves flexed hefting weights back to make sexy shoulders.  Angel, a man of Latino descent who I loosely know - he had been calling me Sara up to that day not really knowing me either, walked up to me and grabbed my calves and said, "You have such big calves.  How do I get calves that big?" 

I promptly told him that I was sweaty and he should probably not touch me.  That however complimentary it seemed to him, that most girls would not be happy to hear that they have big calves, that he should run more and that it was just my genetics.  Yeah, I'm one of those really blessed "girls" who can bulk up really easily.  Genetic jackpot for my brother counterparts, but here are my beastly calves. 

 

First weekend in April and October is hallowed.  For real hallowed in our house.  It is General Conference.  Well if you are a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (aka Mormon) it is the weekend twice a year, that the prophet, of the whole Earth, and the 12 apostles with all appropriate priesthood keys talks to the people and tells them what God wants them to know.  It may seem crazy to some, because we sit around for (5) two hour sessions between Saturday and Sunday watching them on TV or streaming them online. 

Now with my six kids you may ask yourself how do they sit so well for so long, well here are my best tips:
1.  My kids naturally follow my lead - if I have an attitude of absolute reverence and love for these meetings and men - my kids tend to follow suit and think likewise.
2.  I cook, bake and buy my way to a food coma.  Each kid gets to pick their favorite foods and we have them all that weekend.  For every thirty minutes they sit and listen reverently they get to eat one of their favorite food.  When they were younger this was crucial.  As they get older it is just another special part of the weekend.
3.  We veg out.  Pillows, blankets, forts, and cuddles abound as we all snuggle down to enjoy.  As a family who loves to be on the go, this weekend is a great weekend to recharge. 

You should watch sometime.  It won't be an experience you regret.  And if ever interested, come join us. 

 

My husband is super handy.  I love it when it suits me or saves us money.  Truth be told, it can sometimes be a burden as he fiddles his way into a new invention, a free unlimited supply of cardboard or any miscellaneous object, or gives him an "idea". 

But nothing makes me happier than when I look at things that are more organized as a result of his dinking.  In 30 minutes and with minimal dollars he solved my crowded shoe area in my closet.  I love this man.  I also love that I have my own walk-in-closet and he has his own.  No cross contaminating my organization with his "organization."

 

This little boy makes me laugh and want to pull my hair out.  He had a wiggly tooth forever.  He was so excited.  It was his first.  Each day he tempted me to wiggle it to feel how loose it was.  Each day I asked if he wanted me to pull it.  And each day his reply was something to the effect of not today, maybe tomorrow (wonder who he learned that delay tactic from?). 

 

Now if you know me, you know I am somewhat of a picker.  And this definitely came under that category near the end.  It needed to be pulled.  He often ended up in tears while eating and had to even call me from school in a panic about what would happen when he actually lost it (he does have some anxiety).  Daddy even tried to sneak it out.  Didn't work so well and he was a mess of tears, "pain" and distrust.

 

Finally I told him, he had no choice - he had to be brave and let me pull it.  He agreed and then promptly panicked.  He screamed and fought as we had to hold him down so I could pull it.  It took me less than a millisecond.  When I backed away from him, he asked, "Did you pull it?  I didn't even feel anything."  I know child.  I know!  This is not my first tooth rodeo.  If you weren't so adorable - I would be much more gray haired and bald.

Sometimes good friends make all the difference.  I love people, love to figure out how they work, what motivates them, all about who they are.  That being said, I'm pretty particular about my close friends.  Not that I don't want more, but time is a hot commodity for me.  I don't want to spend time on mediocre relationships, trying to make them better, trying to be something for someone I'm not in an effort to feel connected.  But when I have a friend, they are true.  The kind I can count on for a big crisis, a mini one, and a million laughs in between.

For me there are three main components.  They have to be a person of high moral standard and character and inspire me to be better than I am in some way, be understanding of my religion - because it is everything I am, but willing to get a little crazy with me because I have a mischievous side that loves to get up to no good shenanigans that will make me giggle endlessly and the memory will perk me up in the midst of a parenting crisis. 

And when that happens, it feels amazing.  They want to hear you brag about your kids because they love them almost as much as you do, they think of you over little things (you mention you like a kind of rice a lot and it shows up on your door step one night) and they connect with you over the dumb things and when you talk whether it's every day or every year you jump right back to where you always were.  Thanks Sue for being one of them.

Farm Show is over.  But the spirit of Farm Show remains, because it's Manheim.  In this small town, we take community seriously.  And it wouldn't be Manheim, if for a field trip we didn't go to the Farm Show.  My group of hooligans for the day.  This was just before the first injury that ever happened on my watch in over 30 field trip chaperoning affairs.  Beware of tag and tripping around jagged rocks.  It will lead to stitches in your head if you are a little boy. 

 

Does my life seem perfect or what?  It seems pretty perfect to me - most of the time.  My dishwasher may be on the fritz, my dryer on the verge of breaking, my ice/water maker on the front of the fridge finicky, my lawn filling with weeds, my car may be approaching 200,000 miles, my husband may have an untraditional job, I may be a single parenting it half the time, I may have foster kids in my home who make my life harder, I may volunteer more hours than I think I have in a day, and I probably am a little overweight, am re-dealing with adolescent acne in my 30's and wondering how I'm going to make it all work moment to moment, but still...it seems perfect to me.  I wonder what makes the difference.

My Heart Breaks...

Today I ran into an old friend whom I hadn't seen in a bit.  She hugged me, told me I looked great, asked how I was.  I likewise turned around and inquired the same.  I knew she had recently had a job change and I inquired about that.  She said, "Oh - you haven't heard."  Well she told me the story.  It was that she had an affair, had gotten caught, lost her husband, her home, her life.  Add to that she had cheated with a coworker's husband.  Needless to say the job change was needed.  After she quickly asked, "Please don't judge me.  I respect you too much and hope you still think you can like me."  I replied of course I still could like her.  And I wouldn't judge harshly, as I had done innumerable things I regret and wished I hadn't.  Her remorse was overwhelming and all I felt was a deep sadness and a little despair. 

This is a lovely person.  And I know nothing about the events that led up to this event or about the inner minds of those involved.  I do know the coworker also and my heart broke for her too, because even though she didn't tell me - I'm sure her heart is broken and she feels shame and/or embarrassment too about the whole situation.  As I left, I couldn't help but worry about every person involved.

Next my mind turned to the many couples who I know who are currently struggling in their marriages.  Two friends of Travis and mine are separating or want to.  I don't know what to tell them, how to help them.  I wonder if I should be worrying about my own marriage.  It seems like all around my the collapse of relationships and families are occurring.  And as I hear about or see these things, words from The Family: A Proclamation to the World come to my mind.  The family really is the fundamental unit of society.  With its destruction, our societies corrode and values and morals become harder to teach. 

I hope my husband and I have done enough and are doing enough.  I hope the base of open communication will allow us to express problems to one another early on that we can work to overcome.  I hope that our commitment to one another and to our own morals will help prevent us from possibly falling into these types of traps.  I hope, I hope, I hope for everyone, everywhere...that as they face these types of decisions in their lives and their marriages that they are guided and inspired on how to act and what to do and that they follow those good inspirations.

I love the family, my family.  More so this year as we study the Proclamation in Primary.  They are an eternal unit.  This concept has been foreordained by a loving Father in Heaven to help us succeed here on Earth, because he loves us.  So if you are reading this, think of the good things.  Think of the positive, tell your spouses how much you appreciate them, love on your children, reconnect with those in your family you have become estranged from.  I implore you, because my heart doesn't like to fell this kind of useless hurting.

To Me, To Me, To Me

This past Sunday was my birthday - 33rd to be exact.  I didn't know what I thought it would feel like.  Each year I wait to feel like an adult or somehow different and it never comes.  Yet the years keep passing by and unequivocally I guess I'll concede to my adulthood.  Something about the house, cars, bills and kids that really bring it home.

So where do I stand...well I'm filled with happiness and gratitude this year.  As I get older my friends although fewer mean more to me.  With limited time and declining energy I feel the importance of choosing how I use that time.  Though I wish I had more time to devote to those friendships, I'm glad for the ones that have good, strong, deep roots that will sustain these child rearing years until I can reclaim some more personal time.

Friends and family filled me with love and words of affection and encouragement that overwhelmed my little heart.  Words like, "There's something special in the way you live your life" or "Your friendship is so precious to me because I have become closer to God thanks to your example, teachings and character" or "nobody smiles like you do" or "you are one of the best people I know" or "you are the most generous and understanding person" or "Is there anything you can't do".

A girl can dream and try her best to be exactly what God means for her to be.  But if you're me - you're your own worst critic.  So the words of others give me the boost I need to keep giving each day my all.  And as a self proclaimed sporadic narcissist, I claim my birthday selfishly.  We spent the day at the beach - my favorite place, eating my favorite comfort foods of chili and cornbread once home and apple pie instead of cake.

So what does 33 look like...
Favorite Hobby: reading
Last Movie You Saw: The Fault In Our Stars
What Do You Like To Do Outside: play horseshoes with the kids/hubster or camp
Biggest Change This Year: getting used to Travis being home again
Biggest Realization: that I don't look like a teenager anymore
My guiltiest pleasures: not sleeping for long stretches for fear I'll miss something (I'm like a small child) and then crashing.

What do I hope the next five years look like...paying off our homes - 100% debt free, maybe purchasing a beach house, ever increasingly happy, righteous family, much the same as the last five, fewer faults more strengths, traveling all over the world, serving those around me, bringing people closer to God and the gospel.

Here's to Many Happy Returns!

Easter Fun, Fun, Fun

Holidays are great like that, lots of parties and gatherings.  So with Easter, by the time the day comes, the kids have had a couple of hunts and many days of celebrating.  But some things just don't get old.  And two of them are 1. Family and friends and 2. Food and Candy.

First is our Resource Parent Event (Foster care families and kids):

 Then our neighborhood gathering (love this kid friendly 'hood and neighbors):

Then our family get together:

And last the actual day with baskets and bunnies and church to learn of Christ's Resurrection.