Crap, Crap, Crap

I've never had a car accident.  And I didn't really ever intend to.  I guess no one does which is why it is called an accident.  But, this past week it happened on Friday.  As I was leaving a gas station, I went to turn left.  I looked left and right and knew I was watching for the white, sedan to my right to time my leaving the gas station.  When clear I glanced again and pulled out.  I heard brakes squealing and turned left toward the sound to see in slow motion a car about to hit me.  I closed my eyes, felt the impact, and heard the crunching of metal on metal.  I opened my eyes, still unbelieving.  I had not seen this car, where had it come from.  It was my first question and still the question I have most thought about.  I really had looked and so much of my unease is that I don't know that I can trust myself anymore. 

Another girl in the other car, and myself were both traveling by ourselves.  This is probably for the best.  She was fine and out of the car as I was still observing my surroundings trying to make heads or tails out of what had happened.  It was at this point that I felt warm liquid running down my forehead.  I wondered if it was sweat and then saw the drop land on my lap and the red blood spread outward.  There were other drops already on my pants.  How had I missed that? I reached over to the glove box to pull out napkins and hold against my head.  A man rushed to me door.  The window totally shattered and laying over me (and later in me - we had to pull some small shards out of my skin) was open to his asking if I was okay, telling my to turn off the car, asking if I can get out of the car.  I offer to drive to the side of the road instead of being in the smack dab center worried I may block school traffic which is about to pick up.  He says he doesn't think it will drive as the front will is at an awkward angle.  I turn off the car, realize I can't open the door, and he struggles with it finally creaking it open enough to help me out of the car.  Glass rains to the ground from my front and back.  And I feel some glass shift in my clothing.  We walk to the side of he road as traffic continues around.  The man has already called the police.  They are sending an ambulance and fire as well since I am injured.

I call Travis and everyone starts to arrive.  I verify that I am mainly okay to the EMS and they let me into the back of their truck to undress and pour the glass out of my clothing.  After verifying that both the other girl, Kathryn, and I are okay, they leave.  Fire trucks arrive and start sweeping glass out of the road.  The police ask questions of the witness and each of us drivers.  Travis arrives and takes over as people from surrounding shops bring water, check on us, and offer me Band-Aids.  Once we have settled everything with the police, taken pictures, and followed the towing company, we leave.  Travis drives me home.  I am still in shock that this has happened to me.  More than anything as I was t-boned on the drivers door, I just felt thankful about how great it really did turn out.  I was relatively unscathed.  All the damage, no matter how frustrating, is just stuff.

As I was in my father in law's truck that is the worst of it.  I text them to let them know.  I feel terrible.  My(our) insurance will not cover this, my father in law's must.  He only has liability.  The car is a loss for them.  Uggg. Although my in laws have forgiven me and Gary, when he saw me lovingly and tearfully embraced me saying to not worry about the car, I can't seem to forgive myself.  I feel like I owe them a terrible debt.  Not only of the car, but that would at least easily be remedied if they would let me write them a check.  But alas, I am learning humility.  I am learning to forgive myself.  I am learning to accept the help of others.  I am still a work in progress, but a grateful work in progress.