It's not like I don't understand. Except I don't think I do. Last night I layed on the couch in the boys' room and talked to Wyatt who had been sent to his room for the night. It was only 7:45. After many days of all the kids misbehaving and many timeouts and spankings, Wyatt had reached my limit of patience and so had been sent to bed early. This all happened while out for a walk to the duck pond after dinner.
It's not like I'm not trying to keep the kids busy and entertained. It's not like I am not playing with them. But somehow despite my best parenting efforts my heart is breaking as my kids continue to disobey and in pretty big ways. At least I think so. But I'm laying there talking/bonding with him. Because I am so sad that he is being punished but being true to my word and emphasizing consistancy I feel forced to endure this punisment as much as him. And I am forced to discipline him when all I really wish is that he would respond to the rewards instead.
If only I could just be their friend. If only I wasn't the one who would shape them for a lifetime. If only I didn't have to be the bad guy. My mind is looping around on all the "if onlies" and I feel desperate.
Love Bugs
9 months ago
6 comments:
you're a good mom.
I'm sorry, Mary. I'm proud of you for even wondering about all of this. I hope you can see that it says a lot about you.
I have been there myself this summer with both of them. You are doing a great job Mary... hang in there.
Even though it doesn't seem like it. They will love you more for giving them boundaries, something they can rely on. (I think Dr. Phil said something like that, so it must be true!)
You're doing a great job, I'm sure they love you and will consider you a "friend."
It gets better, I promise!
You are a great mother. Your chidren will love you for setting the boundaries and following through with them. I've had a few of the same problems this summer. But tomorrow is always a new day...that's what I keep telling myself.
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